November 28, 2023
You know, I'm fully into my 30s now, I feel like I should have accomplished more or maybe that I should be more at ease with where my life's taken me so far, but that's just not the case. I spent a large portion of my life convinced that I was going somewhere but without any real direction or even an idea as to where that would be... though, I'll admit, the majority of my life has also been spent believing that I'd be six feet underground by now and we're seeing first hand how that's turned out (let's give a big thank you to the medication for its help these past few years). But! You never know. The thoughts are always underlying and it terrifies me to think that I might not move out of the way of a sudden tragedy, even with my brain under the control of some decent meds.
But anyway, I'm just trying to say that I'm feeling a little lost. I've always felt lost, sure, but now more than ever does life feel so damned heavy. Each day goes by much too quickly and months are gone before I can even fully comprehend it, or at least it feels like as much in hindsight. I feel like a sham of a human being, a machine playing the role of something living, and an utter failure all at once. It's not a new feeling and no number of pills or amount of therapy can fix it. Every day is more of the same soup, just reheated.
It doesn't matter, though. Life goes on, whether I would prefer it not to or... not. I saw the Barbie movie a while back and enjoyed it. I wore the fursuit in August and had fun. Work is still a living hell 40% of the time and barely tolerable 50% of the time (the remaining 10% is time spent hiding in my own thoughts, where conservative coworkers can't talk at me). I'm headed to Midwest Furfest this weekend and I still haven't packed my luggage. Drank a little bit of expired yogurt drink by mistake and I'm suffering for it.
Egg the rat passed... last month? A month earlier, his brother Gilbert passed. The first day of that same month as Gilbert's passing, Augustino passed. I started the year with five rats and I'm down to two. Augustino was only a year and a half... I can't really remember the exact months right now.
I'd like some soy milk. Chocolate, maybe, but I don't feel like heading back to work to buy any more. I've drank a half gallon of that trash every other day for the past two weeks and my roommate is growing concerned for my gut health.
I'm just concerned with getting more milk.
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September 12, 2023
I feel like I'm at a bit of a standstill with my website, I'm just not sure what to add to or do with it next!
But, today's a big day for it! We've hit a milestone!
1992 VIEWS !!!!!!!
That's the year I was born, and my birthday is coming up this month! I'll be 31 years old (god, I remember when I thought 30 was old...)
Here's to another 1992!!
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July 14, 2023
I've started a sticker book!
Okay, okay. I've started up a LOT of weird little things in the past year that I've stopped doing off and on, like scrapbooking and junk, but I've started it and we're gonna see how it goes! I have a lot of random stickers from Goodwill grab bags and nowhere to stick them! Look up Stickin It With Anthony on YouTube, Im totally copying his DIY stickerbook. Maybe someday I'll scan them or take pics for my site!! That'd be pretty neat... hmmm...
Oh!! I've also started roleplaying again! But you'll never see any of that! Probably. But it feels good to be writing again! I'm part of a big multi-fandom rp group on Tumblr and while I won't hand you my url here, I'd love to see new members joining if you like roleplay!
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June 15, 2023
It's been a while, hasn't it!
A public diary like this is harder to write than I first assumed. I don't want to put anything too personal here but I also don't want to write nothing at all! I want there to be a record somewhere online that I existed and I want future web surfers to have the potential to run across this. I always like seeing what people online were up to years ago!
My friends and I just got back from a trip to Tennessee on Sunday, it was my first time there and I really enjoyed myself. The mountains were beautiful and quiet and the food was amazing (especially everything that one of my friends cooked for us), but I'm happy to be back home. I missed my rats!
Speaking of, Egg had something wrong with his eye when I got back home. The petsitter didnt notice it while I was away, so I'm not sure what's wrong with him... He's got a vet appointment tomorrow, though, so let's hope for the best!
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May 20, 2023
Back to the grind! Work has been especially boring ever since the Mother's Day rush finished up. I hate when it's like this but I think that's just par for the course when it comes to retail. I may be a florist, but I still work in grocery!
The kitchen work is coming along and my rats are all doing well, so I guess there's really not much to talk about right now. I didn't really need to write this entry, I could have waited a while longer until I had something to talk about...
... buuut I also updated the site quite a bit in a few tiny ways (the home page in one big way, the navigation is different now!) and I suppose this is my way of bringing that to light!
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May 14, 2023
Mother's Day is finally over, which means the last major floral holiday of the year is done!! Exciting!!!
Today went very well sales-wise, I nearly ran out of most of my cut flowers and a lot of the potted stuff started selling once I started getting low on bouquets and arrangements. I did have a few rude customers sour the day for a bit, though.
Who says "that's NOT worth THAT price" to something they ordered for someboy to make them??? I price things based on what corporate tells me to and I tell people up front what corsages will cost, I don't get why they need to insult my work liek that. Even after saying they were happy with it! They can suck my toe.
I dont have a day off until like... Thursday? Maybe Wednesday? Im not sure, but it'll be pushing five days in a row.
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May 09, 2023
This has been a really crazy week!! This last weekend was prom in town and in a lot of the towns around us, so I was super stressed with corsage orders that I had to do on top of preparing for Mother's Day this coming weekend! So many people thought they could place an order for a corsage the day before and even on the day of, I don't understand what they're thinking!!! It's like they think I can just make one in ten minutes, or that I have the exact flowers they want right then and there!!
But now that prom is over I can just focus on Mother's Day. I have help with the outside plants this year and they got me somebody who can help with the indoor stuff, so I think it's going to go well!! Today is my first day off in what feels like forever (its only been five days) and Im feeling sooo tired from everything!
The kitchen is getting redone too, so there were men working in there for the first half of the day... I'm so glad for some peace and quiet now!
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